Maryjane La Texana

Maryjane La Texana is a conspiracy theorist and wellness crackpot specializing in theories of hollow earth hypothesis, moon landing conspiracies, manifesting, positive energy and other bizarre ideas.

It is heavily advised not to approach her directly (and not because she's actually blindingly attractive) but because she might start talking conspiracy theories at you, especially her theories on the US founding fathers.

Personal Life

She owns a menagerie of about 10 dogs and a cat, although whenever they throw up she wusses out and gets her friend to clean up after them.

She also eats twice her body weight in food in about 5 minutes, almost inhaling the food without chewing.

Beliefs

Hollow Earth

Maryjane believes the earth is hollow. And that ancient civilizations live beneath the earth's surface. She cannot explain how the earth does not cave in, or how gravity is so strong if the earth were hollow, or how anybody could survive for extended periods beneath the earth. She may also believe the earth is flat.

Moon Landings

She obviously believes the moon landings were faked. By Kubrick. Her arguments for believing this are: 1. If anybody did fake it, come on it would be the US government; and 2. How did we forget how to go to the moon? Obviously these are rock solid, concrete arguments that cannot be refuted.

Memory

Maryjane does not believe in memory, and thinks it's not real. Hence, her own memory is terrible. She once forgot the name of her own friend 4 times over the course of 2 years.

Temparament

Approach Maryjane with extreme caution. Do not look straight at her or else you might fall instantly in love with her... or be blinded by how pretty she is, even though she claims her resting face is "weird". She is highly contradictory. For example, she works hard and yet "chills" most of the time. She asks for chocolate, but is not a fan of it. She's talktative, yet shy and awkward. People who wish to keep their sanity are advised to stay well clear of her infinite charms.